The way you think and what you believe...

The way you think and what you believe of yourself will have a great impact on your success and your happiness in life. Things like "bad luck" and "problems" happens to everyone. Even the most successful happiest people have problems. It's not the problems you get but the way we deal with them.

Those who constantly think positive thoughts will generally attract more positive things into their life. You don't have to believe this but if your life is full of challenges and negativity, try thinking more positively and see how your life will start to change. Once you see this happening, you will start to see the power of positive thinking.

Understanding the quality of Love....

Love is normally associated with the heart. But what is the heart? You are your heart. Human consciousness is the heart. You have two hearts – the physical heart and the spiritual heart. Your physical heart is not a source of love, it is simply a very powerful pump. Your spiritual heart is a source of love and you are it. Why? Because you are spirit or soul. This is important because it reminds you that you are love and you are a source of love. One of the natural qualities of the soul is love. Thus, you don’t need love because you already have it! However, you don’t feel it. You normally believe that love and happiness are physical sensations and come from outside. That’s why attachment happens and our life becomes rather dry of real love. This false belief, that love comes from outside, eventually makes us turn our own life into one which is filled with sounds of ‘give me, give me, give me’! Its no wonder love is a rare experience because the moment our aim is to take, we change the energy of our heart into fear. The fear that we won’t get, the fear that if we do get it won’t be up to expectation and the fear that when we do get we might lose what we got! And we haven’t even got it yet! If only someone had told us that fear is the opposite of love.

Different Forms Of Anger.....

Depending on our basic belief system, past experiences and perception (understanding) of the present situations we are in, anger takes different forms, which emerge in our mind and get communicated to others through our behaviour:

1. Irritation
You create this when day-to-day events don't happen fast enough e.g. your flight gets delayed, you are made to wait in a queue, etc.
2. Frustration
You create this when events don't occur as per your desires and expectations.
3. Grudge
You create this when you believe that you have been wronged by someone in the past.
4. Resentment
You create this towards those that you think have insulted or offended you or when you are jealous of someone.
5. Hatred
You create this following your deep disapproval of another's actions.
6. Rage
You create this following the build up of anger normally in response to others' actions, which you label as obstructive or interfering, e.g. road rage.

Natural Qualities & Acquired Qualities....

When we look at ourselves from outside we can only see the surface of what we have become. We can't see or perhaps cannot even imagine the inner core (center), which, like in the example of the coconut, is the only part that really can nourish us and give us energy. The shell (in the case of the coconut) serves as a protection but we certainly can't eat it.

In our case, the core (center) consists of natural or inner qualities such as peace, love, power, truth, happiness and so on. The shell is the ego which consists of features or personality characteristics we have acquired through the journey of our lives such as experiences, abilities, memories, learning, habits and beliefs – in short, all that we are referring to when we say: 'I am so-and-so, from such-and-such family or organization or city'.

While we are limited to these acquired characteristics, our true qualities remain inaccessible. Through self reflection we can break the shell and activate our inner qualities from which our values or principles are born.

Time Management....

Whether it's in the office or the more close setting of family relationships, perhaps one of the greatest challenges today is developing the ability to say 'NO' for the right reason, at the right moment and in the right way. There are many reasons why we tend to say 'YES' when we know we should say 'NO'. These include the fear of irritating someone (loss of approval), looking incapable (loss of face), avoiding an argument (loss of temper) or even feeling guilty at not being there for someone (loss of relationship).

When it comes to saying NO, time is not the real issue, it is self-esteem / self-respect. If they are intact they will influence both what you say so and how you say it. Saying NO out of fear or hatred will only generate the same reaction in return. However a confident and positive NO once made is never defended, explained or justified.

Letting GO of the past....

The influence of the past on our personality, hopes and fears is deep, and difficult to trace. The past is by definition a collection of memories. It is also the journey on which we have picked up the skills required in our day to day activities, because of which we tend to believe that remembering the past will help, sustain (strengthen) and protect us. There are certainly great benefits in learning from our past mistakes, but too much attachment to the past can damage present satisfaction.

Many of us are very worried about avoiding past disaster, even to the extent that we forget how to enjoy the present or how to hope positively for the future. E.g. if we have been badly hurt by someone in the past, we may allow this to damage our self-esteem. We become worried that the unhappiness will occur again, because of which we see our current relationship with some other person with a negative frame of mind. As a result of that the negativity is reflected back at us. The relationship fails, which strengthens our belief in the past, and increases negative feelings about the future.

Principles - Choosing Values....

What you value is what you care about the most, at any given moment. And what you care about the most is what gets your time and attention most, and very often first. Most people are not fully aware of their values (principles) and very few ‘consciously’ choose their values. When we do not align our actions with our consciously chosen values, it means we are aligning our actions with someone else’s values. When you consciously choose your values carefully you choose how you will spend the time of your life. The result? You will feel you are in control of your life. Then set your goals according to your values, and then your destiny will be back in your hands.

Question: What do you deeply value in your life? Write a list of seven values and then prioritize them.
Reflection: What are your goals according to each of your key values and what can you see yourself doing to live in line with your chosen values?
Action: What will you do tomorrow to begin aligning your actions with your values (careful – better to take many small steps than try to make a big leap from where you are now to where you want to be)?

Self Esteem....

Almost everyone of us has heard a voice of criticism from a very young age. It is a voice, which echoes through our whole life, and unless we become consciously aware of it, and decide not to listen to it, it will be an important reason why your self esteem never recovers from those first blows. Our parents are critical and have a deep and lasting effect on our self image and self belief. It could have been anything negative “You’re not very good….you can’t….you are always…you are never able….you are useless at that”. Parents are our Gods during those early years, and Gods speak the truth. So we believe them, and not only shape our self image around what they tell us about ourselves, but their voices remain in our heads, in our subconscious minds for years to come. This is how our sense of our own inner beauty never gets a chance to form. But that was ‘then’, and this is ‘now’. ‘Then’ cannot be changed, but ‘now’ can be transformed (changed). Have the courage to remove those voices from your head, and set yourself free. That does not mean struggling with them and conquering them. It means politely disagreeing with them and replacing them. Start from where you are and accept yourself. Accept where you are now, accept what you feel right now. This is the beginning of quietly rebuilding your self image and self belief. Realise you are now your own parent and begin to talk to yourself in accepting, loving and gentle ways. It may sound strange at first, but keep going, and you will be amazed at how quickly your feelings about yourself change, and how it brings a natural inner strength and increases your self esteem.